Binge Eating

I binge ate today. Why? That is what I am going to find out. I do it at least twice a week and every time I promise myself that it will be the last. But is it? No. Do I feel better once I’ve done it? No. I feel like crap. I don’t enjoy what I eat and it is a waste of perfectly good food and calories that I did not want or need in the first place.

So for the next couple of days/weeks/months, every time I feel like binge-eating I am going to ask myself 3 questions: Why do I feel the need to binge-eat? What are my long-term goals? What are my short-term goals? Will it make me feel better? Do I need more food (just not THAT much food)? What is a better alternative to satisfy my craving? Each time I feel the urge, I am going to physically write down and answer these questions down. Maybe that will help me control my urge and quit. I am determined and once I put my mind to something, I know I can do it! I realize that is a little more than 3 questions. BUT I feel that each one is necessary in order to kick this. I am tired of feeling like crap after. I am tired of regretting it. I want to live my life and enjoy it, not rush through it. Most importantly I just want to feel healthy and this does not make me feel that. It does not make me feel good and I know this, yet I continue to do it. I need to buckle down and figure out the reason. Do I not feel good enough? Am I stressed? Is there something else I could do instead? Do I actually need it?

I don’t know. But one thing is for sure. Detective Mandy is on the case. This ENDS tonight. No more. I am tired of feeling unworthy. I am tired of feeling crappy and bloated. I’m just tired of it.

Sorry for this randomness…but then again if you’re reading this…you kind of knew what you were getting into what with the name of my blog and all…. 🙂

Thanks and goodnight!

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